Distance

I strapped your helmet on, my son, and watched you ride off down the driveway on your bike. You still have training wheels, a sign of your age, and yet without hesitation you rode all the way to the end of the driveway and turned right, out of my sight, And I allowed it. You are now allowed to ride to the neighbor's driveway to turn around before coming home. I have given you an extension on your independence, and you have embraced it.

How long will it be until I allow you to ride to the corner? To a friend's house down the street? Around the entire block? It feels like such a slippery slope; that you will desire more independence and I will, in some way,s want you to stay my little boy forever. But the training wheels will come off and your desire to see more of the world will grow.

It seems I'm always telling you to be a "big boy" and to "act your age" but when you do I'm not sure I'm ready for it.

So this little "riding allowance" in some ways isn't a big deal. But when I really sit and think about it, it's huge. It seems every time you disappear around the front of the house I hold my breath a little until I see you coming back. And as I play with your younger brother, I feel bad for him. He may never receive any independence from me, lest all my babies someday disappear at the end of the driveway.

Failed

I took on a commitment last December that I was absolutely sure to see through. I made a promise to a friend and began blogging. Easy, right? I love to write, and I love to talk about my life. Thanks to my high school typing class, I can esaily type 60 words a minute. What's the problem?

Alas, I have failed. Big time. What started out strong in January stuck through into February, weakened in March and all-out died in April. That leaves us here in May. The priest has been called in. My blog is on life support.

For those of you following, my apologies. I am disappointed in myself. And yet, when I think about it, it's the story of my life. So many balls juggling in the air that it seems impossible for one not to drop. House cleaning, laundry, gift buying, exercising, teeth brushing, spouse bonding, mommy playing--they can't all possibly get done in a day. As I write this I am in great shape, running numerous times a week. My kids went to bed freshly bathed and each getting personal reading time with me. There are new patio chair cushions that I purchased today on the WOW deal at Target. My boss seems to think I'm doing a decent job. Both my mother and mother-in-law felt loved and appreciated over the weekend. My youngest son had not one, but two, homemade cakes with an Elmo decoration I did myself. But my toenail polish is chipped horribly, my teeth haven't been flossed in ages, and I ate another piece of leftover cake today even though I swore yesterday was my last day falling off the dieting wagon.

Sigh. It is what it is. I am who I am. Human. Please love me. And please continue to check this blog every so often. I am vowing to move blogging up on my priority of things to do. Maybe my kids will have to be bathed less often. Maybe I'll spot clean my house on an as-needed basis. Maybe my husband will be in charge of purchasing something for his father on father's day.

Somehow, it will all get done. Or maybe not. And that's okay.