P-Day

We've been using the nativity countdown calendar to talk about this day for weeks. Potty training. Not that my 3 1/2 year old is ready, mind you...but his mother is. She's tired of changing two sets of diapers for 18 months now and is believing her son is the last on the face of the entire earth to potty train. She looks longingly and jealously at other kids her son's age with the attractive underwear band sticking out just above their pants. Whether he's ready or not, she is. December 17, game on.

Why December 17? you might ask. It's the start of my Christmas vacation, where I feel I can provide some consistency and devote attention to this collosal undertaking. I have relegated myself to the fact that I will not for any reason (short of death, a raging virus or a broken limb) leave the house. Last night I purchased potty treats of licorice and peanut M&Ms for him, and a few drinks for me...

7:15. Caden comes into my room. I excitedly proclaim this is the day we've been talking about and waiting for weeks now. He responds "no!" and collapses onto the floor in tears. Not the start I had hoped for.

7:30. We have compromised that he will sit on the potty as long as he can watch part of his new favorite movie "Bolt." He doesn't know this, and I will never tell him, but I am the Monty Hall of wheeling and dealing today. If that boy agrees to create water in the potty, I will give him the world. In this case, we are both successful. He pees in the potty. We throw a New Year's Eve-type bash with cheering and dancing and for a moment, we party like it's 1999.

7:45. Frantically trying to call Daddy to tell him the good news. Daddy is not answering (apparently he was filling up the car with gas. How dare he? Doesn't he know today is P-Day?) Daddy lavishes on the praises of his oldest son as if he won the Nobel Prize or the Heisman Trophy. Caden is all smiles on the other end of the line. Really? Will it be THIS easy?

8:15. Apparently not. I find him squatting and pee running, nay, gushing down his leg. The few drops he had squeezed out earlier were nothing in comparison to the volumes of water. I quickly rush him over to the potty in order to catch what is remaining. He looks down and proclaims "Look! I'm going in the potty! I get a treat!" I will have to clarify the need to remove underwear BEFORE going on the potty as a prequesite for earning a treat.

8:30. New underwear on. Accident explained and forgiven. Encouragement lavished in hopes of next time. Little brother Evan has been talking in his crib for almost an hour now. I have no idea how this will go with little brother gets up and joins in the mix as well. Will see.

8:45. Low point of the morning thus far. I could no longer ignore the call myself, and went upstairs to use the adult potty. Upon coming down, I found Caden squatting over the toilet (peeing through his underwear, mind you) and Evan screaming as he is trying to wrestle away the pee-filled potty. Yellow water is sloshing everywhere. Sigh.

9:00. Potty training notes to self: place the toilet high up so that Evan cannot play with it. Bring carpet cleaner and Clorox wipes downstairs. Begin running load of laundry.

9:15. I am still in my pajamas and realize that I have no intention of improving myself today. Caden is wearing a sweatshirt, socks, and underwear. I am planning that he spend the day sans pants. Evan is the only one who is "normally" dressed, although he is running around with a pair of underwear and I believe he is asking me to put them on him. I just might put them on over his pants.

9:30. Decided to set the timer. Forget Caden telling me when he has to go potty. I will tell him. Reminder of treats. He requests to watch a few more minutes of "Bolt." I compromise--2 times successful on the potty, 10 minutes of Bolt. We shake on it.

9:45. I resort to a favorite TV show of his in which the main character, Oso, learns how to do everything in 3 steps. I try this approach. Step 1: tell Mommy you have to go potty. Step 2: remove underwear (this is key). Step 3: go on the potty! He likes it and repeats the jingle himself as he plays.

10:30. 2 successful trips to the potty. 2 wonderful opportunities to flush. 2 chocolate M&M treats. 10 minutes of Bolt. 1 phone call to Nana. Am making a mental list to see who we can call during the day with updated news.

10:45. We are continuing the deal of 2 successful trips to the potty=10 minutes of watching Bolt. In 7 minutes, he made two trips, squeezing out 3 drops each, and calling it successful. I'm torn between seeing success (if only measured in drops) and realizing that we can't keep this up all day, let alone for the next 15 years of his life. Besides, it feels like we're watching A LOT of T.V. Is it okay to make this exception for one day?

11:00. Gave in. Took off pajamas, put on a jogging suit (didn't feel like putting on anything nicer...why?). Even brushed my teeth, put on deoderant, face cream and chap stick. Feeling somwhat proud of my accomplishment. I would no longer need to slam the door on Ed McMahon's face if he came to offer me a million dollars. However, I still haven't done my hair and intentionally decided not to wear earrings--too flashy, so I still might slam the door in your face if you decide to visit today.

12:30. Finished watching the entire movie Bolt. Both children are lazily mesmerized at the television, and I now understand why they tell you to limit television time with small children. Alas, this is the price to pay for potty success (may there be success!). Fed the kids some lunch, during which time Caden complained of feeling wet. We ran to the potty and he successfully went. I considered it enough for the morning, put his diaper on, and at 1:00 sent both boys up to their rooms for nap time (or at least quiet time). I. was. exhausted.

2:00. Went to get Caden up from his "quiet time" (which ironically is anything but quiet). I could smell it immediately. I realize it was too much for him to do both #1 AND #2 in the potty on the first day, but the #2 was the part I was really tired of changing. Sigh. Reminding myself this is a long, slow marathon, not a sprint. Gave myself a chocolate M&M after changing his dirty diaper.

5:00. All is well in potty-land. He's been dry since about 10:00. We're on our 4th pair of underwear today (is that good? bad? typical?) I haven't resorted to ANY of the drinks I purchased for myself last night. The potty/flush/treat/movie clip routine is working well. Now we'll just see what happens when we start all over again tomorrow. But please, Caden--no more Bolt.